Brainfreeze: Frozen Summary
by Steve1357
Summary: This is not a mockery of the movie. I enjoyed the movie, thank you very much. However, after watching it a few times, I tried to write a summary and... This is what happened.


**If this is confusing, that's how my brain works, so too bad. Enjoy. And if you didn't, I will feed you to the drakon. No, just kidding. You'll be fine. I do not own Frozen, but I wish I did, so I could be rich.**

So, long long ago, in a land far far away, there was a ice cutter who loved scaring the crap out of children and parents by thinking they got tickets to the wrong movie.

So he lugged a 24 frame per second waterproof camera and set it up under the ice. And then he jabbed at it with his ice stick and sang a crappy song about ice with his friends, breaking about 30 child labor laws in the process.

Disney cuts clip

There lived a Socially Deprived Princess, or  
SDP. There was also a Very Depressed Princess, or VDP.

Now, VDP is quite angry about SPD stealing her cookie and slaps SDP with a block of ice, which forces their terrible parents to drag them to Ugly Smurfs. The Ugly Smurfs scare the living hell out of the VDP. SDP receives ice cure, and declares vengeance, before remembering that she is asleep.

Disney cuts the scene and they grow up, singing a song to make viewers sad.  
Do you want some exposition?  
Yeah...

Anyways, their abusive parents die at sea. They celebrate by crying. Out of sheer joy. SDP also sings  
A monologue song. It is really depressing.

Now, after this, they jump into a time machine and go to find H.G. Wells. Then they realize that they went too far and go back, only three years from the sad song.

Exposition shots. Lonesome loner is shown saying crazy things to a reindeer. Weaselly character reveals himself as *gasp* evil.

Depressed Princess has a coronation, so she sings a sad song with Bored Princess. Servants chase them to stop them from singing. They were edited out of the shot.

Next, Depressed Princess and Bored Princess have a nice time. But then Depressed Princess has hormonal issues and disses Bored Princess off. SDP finds  
Crazy Sociopath and dances with him. They sing a song, the worst one in the movie sung by relevant characters.

Back at party thing  
Crazy sociopath and socially depressed princess ask for marriage. It is wisely refused as a first for Disney. Action finally starts as VDP shoots ice daggers out her eyes in frustration. Weasel Face mutters something to Bad Guy #1 and #2. Scooby Doo chase scene ensues.

From here Bored Princess will be "Princess" and Depressed Princess will be "PTSD queen"

PTSD Queen runs off in a magical helicopter (how else do you go that fast in the 1400s? And is capable of landing safely on a mountain?) either that or a ice slide.

The animation team either do not know fog works or how cold it is outside, and nobody's breath fogs up.

PTSD Queen runs up a mountain. She sings a song about bathroom issues. Rome wasn't built in a day, but an Ice Castle can be built in 20 seconds flat. She then sings an impossibly high note in a futile attempt to shatter her masterpiece, but it's ice and it doesn't work, cause magic, duh.

Then, the princes sets off on an adventure with her cowardly horse. Horse runs off, and princes meets two guys in the woods. She pays one for dresses and boots. Disgusting Loner is chucked out with a cheery "Bye Bye!" for muttering the word "crook". Then, Princess witnesses the Disgusting Loner singing a song to his Reindeer, which consisted of him plucking a lute whilst singing a song. She throws carrots at him. And a Pickaxe. And Lutefisk. And Ropes.

Disgusting loner and princess go up mountain. Princess ruins a new sled. Sled interest sucks.

They meet a comic relief/merchandising character, who promptly sings the stupidest and most unnecessary song ever about oxymorons. He then has the later chore of repeating the plot line several times, just enough to ruin the moment. But we'll get to that  
Later.

The quadruple go up the mountain. Princess inspires another comic relief moment as she climbs an icy cliff. Merchandising finds a ice staircase. They go on.

Princess refuses to let partners see PTSD queen, but they come in anyways. Bad childhood memories of parents are brought up. They run from each other, explaining random crap in song format. Princess gets ice shard shot a her because PTSD queen is on her "time of month". Disgusting loner and merchandising drag her out, where she throws a snowball at a yeti.

Yeti/Marshmallow chases them down the mountain for no purpose whatsoever. The old tree trick is applied. The "pull escapees up by rope, have them escape and fall down a 200 foot cliff and survive" is also applied.

Disgusting loner takes characters to see the unnecessary ugly troll rocks. They sing the stupidest song ever.

Princess's hair turns white from stress. Princess ages before them, but false blame is placed on ice dagger scene.

Epic reindeer race against time. They win. PTSD queen fends off Bad Guy #1 and #2. She is knocked out by a chandelier. Karma.

Prison scene is shown, as the animation team finally figures out how breath fogs up. Then they immediately forget how in the next scene.

Minutes later, the princess with is very blunt and asks for a kiss. It is rejected. Crazy sociopath reveals his whole plan, which is pretty stupid if you ask me.

The old "pick a lock with a carrot" trick is applied. Merchandising snowman and princess have a talk. Disgusting Loner rides back heroically on a Reindeer while awesome music plays in the background. Ships break as the characters all conveniently converge on...

The fjord.

Disgusting Loner and Princess stagger towards each other.

Meanwhile, a scene from Game of Thrones is thrust upon the cast of Frozen. They accept, as Crazy Sociopath advances on PTSD Queen, who has given up on life and has conveniently slipped on ice. The snowflakes stop falling, as...

Princess moves towards Disgusting Loner, who who moves forwards. Princess notices Game of Thrones scene and...

Jumps right in front the of the sword, which freaking shatters. How? Magic, duh.

PTSD queen sobs tears of happiness because her sister will never annoy her again with her snowman song. The directors misinterpret this and press the melt button.

Sisters reconcile as the rest of the cast just stands awkwardly.

Apparently, ships can sink in an iced over fjord, as a ship magically rises underneath them. The best part of the soundtrack (Vuelie Reprise/The Great Thaw) is played while everything melts.

Sisters share words of encouragement, Crazy Sociopath is given Falcon Punch of the century.

Bad guys are shoved onto ships.

Disgusting loner and princess get first kiss. Stupid merchandising character breaks up the awkward feelings in the movie theater about the parents allowing young children to see that. Stuff happens, everyone is happy.

PTSD queen goes through therapy, Princess and Disgusting Loner get rid of social isolation status.

They are happy, for now...


End file.
